Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Shattered Dream

When I was 16, a very large department store in the city that was next to our town chose one person from each highschool to enter a program where the student would work for them and have some extra training. I was chosen.

When I went to college, I applied for a job in Public Relations and I got that job.

During my graduate work, I applied to be an intern-pastor at the mega church that I was attending. I got that position...and learned A LOT.

After graduating, I applied for a 1st grade position in a Christian school and was hired right away.

The next year, I decided to apply for a 1st grade position in the ABC district of public schools. I was interviewed along with many others, and I got that job.

After getting married, Arte and I were asked about taking a position as singles Pastors and we took the position.

Several years later, we called and asked if we would like to interview for an Associate Pastoral position in Oregon. We interviewed and were hired.

While we were there, I had a principal call me and tell me that she had observed while subbing and would like to hire me to teach 6th grade doing a job share, so it would be part time. I didn't even interview for that one!

Then, I think the biggest, most nerve racking interview was when we applied to become Senior Pastors here in Waldport. The big wigs from the valley were there, along with a panel of about 15 leaders from the church, all sitting in a big semi-circle staring at us and asking us very difficult questions. That was by far my hardest interview but, in the end, we landed that position as well.

As I struggled inside last night I began to realize that this is really the very first time in my whole entire life that I've ever had a job turned down. Don't get me wrong, I knew when I applied to FISKARS for one of their lead Positions that it would be much more than a job. It's the same with Pastoring. It's pouring into the hearts and lives of people.

Because I LOVE Fiskars so much and because crafting is such an enormous passion and because I've ALWAYS loved to inspire and encourage people in their art and because I was SURE this might be how God was going to bless our financial situation and because after all it was the 'desire of my heart'..... I really thought that this might be for me.

What a lesson for me. Being told 'no.' I have to be honest and say that although I have the peace that this is how it was supposed to work out, I feel a deep, deep sense of sadness. And a HUGE, GIGANTIC amount of disappointment. It's so much bigger than I expected it to be that it really caught me off guard. It's really a disappointment that I've never felt before having been offered every job that I ever desperately longed for.

I love the FISKARS company and family and all that it stands for. It will be terribly hard for me to go the board today and see the 'big announcement.' I don't know that I even will. I pretty much am quite certain that I know who they have chosen anyway. But, because I believe so strongly in this company and how they are reaching their customers, I will continue to be a very active part of their community.

I'll be okay, I know that even though it doesn't feel like it. I know that the Lord allowed me to go through this very painful process of the 'anti-resume,' the video, the interviewing, and the terrible, horrible WAITING (it's been since January that I've been dreaming about this), for a reason. Somehow, on the other side of this, I will come out a better person and there is truly something better waiting around the corner. At this point, I'd really like to know what it is because I can honestly not imagine anything better than this job of doing what I love for a company that I love.

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll leave you now with my 'anti-resume' that many of you had asked me about. I thought it turned out pretty great...it just didn't make the cut.


melita said...

Julie, my heart aches with yours. You know that I am right there with you! I'll be keeping you in my prayers =)

V Bell said...


My heart is aching for you too. I am really so sorry that you didn't get one of the positions. I know that you are perfect for this, but - there is something else waiting for you.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

valken said...

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Disappointments can really through us for a while but you will come through this with more understanding and empathy when you minister to other hurting people. For now just know you are loved and its o.k. to feel your feelings.

Patti Smith said...

I'm sorry Julie...I think you would have been wonderful for the position....just wish they could have picked a couple more!!! thinking of you sweet girl..Patti Smith

Allie Gower said...

When one door closes, opportunity takes another form and sneaks in where it may. Be watching for it!

Maybe we can find something for you in our little company - whatcha lookin' for?

Gimme a call. 918-371-0071

Allie Gower

http://angeladaniels.squarespace.com/ said...

This project is so adorable- I just wanted to pop in and tell you how talented you are. Love your blog!


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